In today's world, we are told to keep our emotions at bay, because people will take advantage of it. If you are chirpier than others, you will be a soft target for others. They will use your emotions against you. There was a certain period of time in my life when I thought the same. That certain period was the result of disappointment and getting hurt over trivial things (ofc, trivial for others, important for me). I used to notice my peers around me didn't consider me a friend even after I cared for them, put in efforts to make them feel comfortable and be there for them without any expectation.

Ab kuch log bolenge, yeh likh kyu rahi hai, koi padhta bhi nahi hai yeh sab. It's useless for others but not for those who can read these posts and feel they are not alone that there is someone who is as hung up on things as they are without being called out an emotional freak.

Now, I am not exactly the ideal person who leaves things behind and moves on. I am the toxic one. You can say, not the worst cum best person to deal with issues in her life. I have a trait. I get offended easily. Anyone can crawl under my skin and bring out any reaction they want. I would try to defend myself to the extent that the other person eventually stops initiating/pointing out things with me. I don't know when this trait built in me. I can't hide behind my past but I did change because of my past. I didn't like what I took. It took me almost 5 years to leave behind people from my past.

Trust me, guys when I say it's very dangerous for your mind. I can't say that you will change your behavioural pattern right after reading my post because you can't. It's inbuilt in you, to react more fiercely when things go south with you. Being overly defensive also drives people away. Learning to unlearn something takes time and patience. So bear with the process even if you wanna take shortcuts. If you are being too closed up or guarded, things can go south as well.

Being vulnerable or open doesn't mean, you have emotional baggage or you weep. You can be chirpy and easy going but being firm when someone tries to take advantage of your nature. So, learnt to make friends and peers who are there for you when you need help...

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I observed it today that I tend to get side tracked a lot but please bear it. I am happy to make you feel better. Always, Remember You are not alone!

See ya.